it’s kind tough telling my story, I never know how to begin. What I do know is that it was to fast. One day I had the most beautiful and caring mom in the world calling me everyday and in a matter of nothing, she was gone.
just typing this first sentence is already causing me some difficulty. This disease is more then just one, it causes a huge amount of pain in the person going trough it, breaks the mental health of all the members in the family, makes us feel empowerless, it just changes everything. Even the way we validate time as we know. Even life.
my mom started going blind 2 years before cancer say “I’m here”. She did loads of exams but he decided to make damages and keep hided, like he had a plan of its own and we couldn’t do nothing about it. Then we went for an appointment where my moms eye doctor adviced her to go and check a friend of his in hospital. Without saying much to us we did.
the doctor asked us to be there in the next day, at 8 am sharp to do some exams. We had the car full: me, mom, my little sister and her boyfriend. So, we pick up the car, had dinner and we drove for 3 hours back home.
Next morning I went alone with mom to the north of portugal for her to do the exams. I will never forget that day. She got out at almost 12 pm, at 12.15 the doctor came outside, talk to me alone and he said: “you got to take your mom to Lisbon hospital ASAP, she haves brain cancer.” i collapsed. They asked me not to tell her anything, I was alone, had to tell my two sisters what was happening and drive for 3 hours, with no crying with her by my side. She felt asleep sometimes and I cried when she couldn’t see. My older sister got the news by the phone, I think she is the strongest of the three of us but at the end of day I still had to go home, pick up moms stuff, tell my little sister and my gramma what was happening. I was feeling so drained by the all day, it was 11 pm when I got home. Another crash. My little sister was suffering, my mom was dieing, my family was crashing and I couldn’t do nothing about it. We went back to Lisbon, then raise moms mood up and we finally got home by almost 2pm.
somehow I knew it that it would be so hard to finish this story with my mom alive but we always believe that. 6 months after, we said goodbye. For almost 3 years now the 18 of February is the worst day of my life. We do celebrate her, she was so passionate about life, making good for human beings that she even didn’t know so well. And here we are. Trying to make her live.