Troy, United States
It started with growing discomfort while urinating, coupled with a slower stream and more frequent urination. These continued to the point where I had to pee every half hour or so, in what was a slow and painful process. Sex was also becoming painful. I realized something was wrong, and thought I might be passing a kidney stone, so I went in to urgent care, only to find that I had an enlarged, hardened prostate. One urology referral later, and I was set up for a biopsy. My urologist told me he would call me as soon as the results came in, but my biopsy results were uploaded to my patient care web site just before 5 pm on a Friday. I read that I had carcinoma in all twelve samples, and that in all of them the majority of the sample (generally about 80 percent) was cancerous. I sat with that over what was the longest and bleakest weekend in my life before he called on Monday, and talked me through it. I had an aggressive and advanced (stage 4) case of prostate cancer. The ray of hope he held out was that prostate cancer generally responds fairly well to treatment. Nevertheless, it was profoundly difficult. I assumed I was about to die, and as an otherwise relative healthy man in his 50s, I just wasn't ready for that. My urologist understood that I was having some real emotional difficulty dealing with my diagnosis, and referred me for counseling. The counsellor I got was great, and talking my situation over with him on a weekly basis really helped.
The emotional toll was rough, but so was the loss of energy and motivation coupled with brain fog brought on by the androgen deprivation therapy, a hormone blocking treatment also known as chemical castration. The two fed each other and led me to a long period of lethargy and depression. Then radiation kicked in, and I really started to weaken.
Friends, family, colleagues and caregivers all stepped up and supported me in ways that lifted my spirits and returned my optimism. Colleagues covered my classes (I'm a professor) when I couldn't make them, and started a meal train while I was going through radiation. A friend who had gone through a very similar case of prostate cancer shared his experience with me, providing me with a concrete example of how this could be survived. I also made new friends BECAUSE of the cancer--fellow patients, caregivers, and new colleagues who stepped up to support me. My family--my wife, my adult children, and my parents, all stepped up, providing emotional and material support. My wife took over lots of my household duties, and suggested we get a dog. That was the best suggestion ever; I've always loved dogs, but we hadn't had one since getting married because our first child had been allergic to dogs in her childhood. We rescued an Anatolian Shepherd mix, and she became my very best buddy. Caring for her, walking her, and having her as a companion when I took sick leave from work got me through each day in relatively good spirits.
Our private insurance system in the United States barely functions. While I had amazing caregivers who were highly skilled and very caring, navigating the system to get access to them has been a two-plus-year nightmare. Communication between the various agencies and healthcare systems has been problematic, and important treatments have been delayed because of this. We need universal healthcare with a single provider system.
Everybody's cancer story is different. But there are silver linings. Living with cancer for more than two years has helped me realize what the really important things in life are, and I have focused on them. I am also eating much more healthily than before, and drinking far less. While these habits may help me defeat cancer, they have definitely improved my quality of life right here and now, as has my decision to ignore those things that are less important to me and focus on what really matters: people, pets, and place. Whether I make it through this or not, I am more content and at peace than I was before. And I have stronger relationships with the important people in my life.